Global Reflections

When moving to a new home, particularly one in a different country, it always takes a little time to settle in. For me, at least, it seems especially awkward to cook in a new kitchen. We always end up ordering or going out for dinner for the first several days. Eventually, I do some grocery shopping and start the process of learning to cook in my new kitchen. The first few meals are easy ones, tried and true, difficult to get wrong, yet they always seem to yield less than stellar results all the same.

My first meal in my new kitchen (other than toasted bagels with peanut butter for breakfast) was chicken, rice, and green beans. At least it was supposed to be rice. I couldn’t find the instructions for the rice cooker that was included in our welcome kit, and I’ve never used one before, so I didn’t quite do it right. I put in too much rice, so when it swelled as it cooked, it overflowed a bit. And it didn’t all cook before I realized I had to take it out in order to avoid an explosion of rice all over my counter top and floor. And it was taking forever and a day anyway, so the baked chicken and canned green beans were getting cold. So we ended up with easy mac’n’cheese instead—the kind that cooks in the microwave.

My second dinner in my new kitchen was spaghetti, salad, and toasted French bread. First compromise: untoasted French bread, because the bread slices were small enough that I feared they’d get lost in the toaster and I really didn’t want to fire up the gas oven just to toast the bread. No problem; it was good untoasted. Salad was no problem—I used vegetable wash and the big knife from the welcome kit to clean and chop the fresh veggies, then threw them into a bowl. The spaghetti … it was supposed to be easy. I mean, really, what’s difficult about spaghetti? You boil some water, throw some noodles in it, brown some meat, drain the meat, add a jar of commercial spaghetti sauce, heat it up, drain the noodles, and combine everything. No problem, right? Easy peasy, even on a gas range (I’ve never used a gas range before, and the prospect of open flames on my stove still makes me nervous).

The problem came in the first step. You know the saying “She’s such a lousy cook she can’t even boil water”? I always thought that was such an extreme exaggeration that it didn’t actually apply to anyone. Until now. Because apparently it applies to me.

I took out the big welcome kit pot and filled it with water from the distiller. I placed it on the burner. I fiddled with the controls until I figured out how to make the burner start generating heat. The flames made me nervous, so I left the heat on medium, assuming that the water would just take a little longer to boil. Meanwhile I started browning the meat. When the meat was all brown and the water wasn’t even simmering, I turned the heat up to medium high. I added the sauce to the meat and kept stirring it so it wouldn’t stick. Twenty minutes later I turned the heat under the meat sauce off so it wouldn’t burn or stick too badly. The water had a few tiny bubbles forming around the edges, but no real sign of an impending boil. I turned the heat up again.

Twenty minutes after that, the water looked the same. I checked the burner—it was on high, and the flames underneath it matched that description. Jeff came in, following Alexa, who was toddling in to point at the refrigerator, her way of saying "I'm hungry; give me some food." I gave Alexa a piece of bread and told Jeff what was happening. He fiddled with the controls. He announced that the pot was cheap and was radiating heat in all directions, not just concentrating it inside like it should. We turned off the air conditioner in the kitchen, which blows the cold air directly onto the range. We waited. The water sort of simmered. Not really.

Jeff moved the pot to a different burner, after getting the new flames going nice and hot. The water seemed to heat a little more. Not much. We got tired of waiting. We put the noodles into the water anyway, assuming they would cook, just more slowly than they would if the water was boiling. We gave Alexa another piece of bread. The water started boiling. Jeff announced that the cheap pot probably didn’t have enough thermal mass to contain enough heat to boil the water on its own; the addition of the noodles gave it enough substance to heat the water. Eight minutes later, our spaghetti noodles were ready.

Total time elapsed … it think it was a little over an hour. To boil a not-very-big pot of water. *Sigh.*

On the bright side, our air freight—which has my good, heavy pots and pans—is in the country. We’re hoping it will clear customs within the next couple of weeks and will be at our house by the end of the month. Maybe then I’ll be able to boil water again.

Tuk-tuks

Carefree or careless? This morning, as Alexa and I were taking a tuk-tuk back from the embassy, we stopped at an intersection. I was surprised to see a small hand reaching toward me. Having recently sat through the RSO briefing about pickpockets and petty theft, I was prepared to use my feet (my hands were busy holding Alexa) to kick aside any human body part that entered my tuk-tuk, on the assumption that it was making a grab for my bag. But this small hand didn’t actually enter the tuk-tuk. Instead, it grabbed hold of the edge beside my seat. I looked over to see a small boy, no older than nine years, sitting on his bicycle beside us. He glanced up at me and then went back to grinning at my sleeping baby. As my tuk-tuk started to move, he didn’t let go, and I realized that he’d attached himself to a free ride. For several blocks, as near as I could tell, he didn’t watch where we were going or take any precautions to protect himself from potential mishap. He simply held on, enjoyed the ride, and grinned at my baby. I’m sure there’s a lesson in this event, maybe about trust, not worrying about what you can’t control, or enjoying life’s small pleasures. But even as I enjoyed his obvious enjoyment, I couldn’t help but think … “Oh, God, please don’t let this helmetless boy come to harm because he’s too busy smiling at Alexa to protect himself!”

The top of our fence

Security and privacy.Many Americans are aware that there is a balance to be struck between security and liberty, including privacy, on a national level. Over the last ten years, we’ve sacrificed some of our freedoms and some of our privacy in the interest of making it possible for the federal government to discover and interrupt others’ nefarious plots more efficiently. Since shortly after 9/11, there’s been a debate raging about where the proper balance lies. Since coming to Cambodia, Jeff and I have had this debate strike quite a bit closer to home—literally. We knew coming in that we would have an embassy guard posted at our home 24 hours a day. I, at least, didn’t realize that the guard would not be in a guard shack outside our gate, as were the embassy guards I saw outside some residences in Cairo. No, our guards have a shack inside our gate. They and they alone have keys to the car and pedestrian gates in the barbwire-topped wall surrounding our house; even we can’t get inside those walls without them letting us in. And the guards patrol the property at all hours. At any given time, I could look out any window in my house and see the guard walking by. The assistant RSO told us, during our briefing this morning, that the guards would not look in the windows. I think he meant they’ve been told not to—at least one already has, and really, who could blame him? It’s natural human curiosity, especially with us being newcomers and therefore unknowns. Don’t get me wrong; he wasn’t standing there peering creepily in. He was making his rounds, as he should, but as he went, he spent about as much time looking in as looking out. More like a series of fleeting glances than a determined stare. But I’ve only noticed it the one time, and as I said, it’s natural human curiosity. The presence of the guards is disconcerting, something to get used to, but certainly not something to which I object, especially since seeing the statistics on recent crime and having it pointed out that, despite the fact that burglaries are common in Cambodia, they very rarely happen to embassy houses or even to our neighbors. We’re protected, and our neighbors are protected, because our guards are on watch. I’m sure it will be no time at all before it doesn’t faze me a bit to look out my window and see these men making their rounds around my house. But for now, I’m feeling a bit like a specimen under a microscope.

Clipart courtesy Microsoft

There’s what in the bathroom?This morning at the embassy, I visited the restroom. As I dried my hands, I noticed a small, clear bin attached to the wall. The bin was filled with small paper packets. Of course, I had to see what they were—you know, that whole “natural human curiosity” thing. When I did see what they were, my eyes popped. There was a bin of condoms in the ladies’ restroom at the U. S. embassy. Not even a vending machine from which they could be purchased, just a bin where they sat, free for the taking. When I mentioned it to Jeff, he explained that it’s part of an HIV/AIDS prevention campaign. The disease is prevalent here, so anything that raises awareness of it or that helps prevent its spread is considered to be generally a good idea. I guess it’s an inexpensive enough way to help our employees stay healthy. It’s just another one of those things that makes sense once it’s explained, but that is shocking to my conservative sensibilities until it’s explained.

Rain in our courtyard

Rain, rain, and more rain. On our first day here, we saw more rain than we saw in our three years in Cairo. We’re right at the end of the rainy season, during which I understand it rains for a few hours every day. Since we’ve been here, we’ve had one good shower every day, and most days, it’s been a solid thunderstorm. Even when it isn’t a thunderstorm, when I say “one good shower,” I mean a heavy rain, not a drizzle or light rain. It’s thundering and raining hard now. This morning, it was sunny. It’s been sunny every morning we’ve been here. But every afternoon, usually in the late afternoon, it suddenly clouds over and the skies open. So far it’s only affected us in that we chose to stay home rather than go back out late Monday afternoon because we assumed it would start raining soon (it did, within the hour), so I still don’t have a SIM card to make my mobile phone work, and when I realized that night that I needed to go down to the corner market for milk, I walked at a fast clip instead of a slow stroll, as fat drops of rain foreshadowed the deluge that arrived just a few minutes after I got back home. My understanding is that it will continue to be very humid, and it will continue to rain frequently, but it should start tapering off a little any day now, so that we don’t get the same kind of daily downpour we’ve been getting. It’s quite the change from Cairo!

They’re talking what? Again? Apparently the rainy season this year was even more rainy than usual, because there’s been massive flooding throughout parts of Cambodia, Vietnam, and Thailand. There have been deaths; I’m not sure how many, but a lot. Here in Phnom Penh, the danger is minimal, but there’s still the potential for huge problems. Flooding outside the city affects the supplies coming into the city. Contingency plans have been made for evacuation, because if the supplies can’t get in, the people who depend on those supplies need to get out. Obviously not all will leave; most wouldn’t even consider it. But American embassies are cautious with their people, and if supply becomes an issue, we’re outta here. I hope that if it comes to that, we won’t be flown all the way back to the States, but rather to some regional safe haven that isn’t affected by the flooding—probably not Bangkok, because they’d be affected too, but maybe Singapore, which is our med evac location. But this is the U. S. Department of State we’re talking about, and regulations are fairly rigid. In general, evacuations are to the United States, for a minimum of 30 days. Hopefully it won’t come to an evacuation at all—we are nearing the end of the typical rainy season, after all, and the worst of it probably is over. On a purely selfish note … we opened the year with an evacuation; I really hope we don’t close the year with another one!

Mmm, good. Oh, wait.I tried my first Khmer dish tonight. Chicken amok. My first thought was “Wow, this is pretty good!” As I opened my mouth to say so, the heat kicked in. I ended up guzzling water and then eating a few bites of rice instead. That strategy was successful in cooling off my overheated tongue. Luckily, I didn’t offend anyone by not eating any more—we’d ordered dinner from a pretty good restaurant that has both Khmer and western cuisine. My meal actually was fish and chips, Jeff’s was a cheeseburger, and Alexa’s (although she fell asleep before it arrived, so hers is in the fridge) was a hot dog. But since the Khmer cuisine was so inexpensive, we decided to order a dish to split and try. My one bite was enough. If only it were possible to get the first taste without the heat, I’d love it. As it is … no more anything amok for me! (Added Saturday, 15 October 2011.)

There you have it. Snippets of what I’m noticing and thinking of as I begin my life in Cambodia. I think it will be interesting to see what I’m noticing and thinking of at different points of my time here—what will change for me in six months or a year? I look forward to finding out.

Okay, maybe not “essentials.” When it comes down to it, very little is essential. And this list is for both babies and toddlers, not just for “tots.” But it was too cumbersome to title this post “Items that Make It a Lot Easier to Haul Your Infant or Toddler Around the World,” so I fudged a little.

Recently a friend who shares my lifestyle started asking questions. She and her husband are thinking about expanding their family, and she’s wondering how to prepare for the addition of a child into their globally nomadic lifestyle. Specifically, she’s asked what gear I recommend. After taking my now-15-month-old daughter on four transatlantic journeys (two of them without my husband), one transpacific journey, and a few state-to-state flights—not to mention six months (and counting!) of living overseas with her—I have a few suggestions.

First things first: A car seat really is essential. Not just for in the car, either. You may want to save money by not buying an airline ticket for your under-two-year-old. You may have visions of Baby nestled contentedly in your arms, the two of you happily snuggling while you sleep away the 8-hour transatlantic flight, or the 11-hour transpacific one. But somehow it usually doesn’t work out that way. It’s much more comfortable—not to mention safer—for everyone if Baby is nestled snugly in his or her car seat instead of in your lap. Don’t get me wrong; take the child out of the car seat for a change of position and for some cuddling, especially on those long flights when you both get restless. But for takeoff and landing, for turbulence, for meal service, for those times when you just need a little space, do yourself a favor: buy your child a ticket and take the car seat on the plane. Just do your due diligence first—make sure the seat is FAA approved (it’ll have a sticker on it) and that it meets your airline’s requirements. For example, KLM’s maximum width requirement had me running out to buy a smaller seat before my post-evacuation journey back to Egypt, even though my larger seat is FAA approved. Avoid problems at the airport by checking with your airline and making sure your seat meets their requirements.

I know what you’re thinking: how are you going to haul that seat around the airport, especially if you’re traveling without another adult? If your child is still in one of those infant carrier-car seat combos, it’s easy—take a stroller or cart designed for your seat to snap into it. Some of the strollers are large and expensive, but also available are smaller, less expensive carts. If your child is in a convertible car seat, I recommend the Gogo Babyz Kidz Travelmate cart. I never would have made it back to Egypt after the evacuation with Alexa, her car seat, and our carryons if I hadn’t had this contraption. It’s basically a frame with two wheels and a telescoping handle. It attaches to the car seat easily and quickly. You can wheel your child through the airport as if it was a stroller, or take the child out and haul the seat behind you. Every time I’ve used it (five multiple-flight journeys now), random strangers in the airport have admired it and/or asked me about it. Flight attendants start to protest as I take it on the plane (“No strollers allowed!”), but a quick “The wheels pop off and the handle goes down; it’s just her car seat” silences the objections. I am a walking, talking, unpaid advertisement for this thing—I love it, and I recommend it to anyone who is taking a car seat through an airport, train station, or anywhere else where your car can’t go.

What about transporting your child when you don’t need a car seat—when you’re on foot? Although strollers work quite well in the States, they don’t always work so well overseas, at least not in the third-world countries where we’ve lived. Where sidewalks exist, they’re often unusable for strollers—they’re riddled with potholes; random signs and other obstacles are placed right in the middle of the path; and overgrown trees

and shrubs often make them impassable on foot, much less with a stroller. Combine the poor sidewalks with unpredictable drivers, and it really isn’t safe for strollers. It’s safer, and in many cases easier, to use a baby carrier instead. Carriers allow you to attach an infant or toddler to your body, with the child’s weight distributed between your shoulders and hips rather than on your arms, so you don’t tire as quickly and you can use your hands for other things. There are different styles of carriers, including structured and unstructured options. My favorite is a wrap, because it’s the most versatile, although I’m also a fan of mei tais. You should use whatever style of carrier is most comfortable for both you and your child. If you don’t know the first thing about baby carriers or how to choose one, just do an internet search for “baby wearing.” I promise you’ll find all the information you need!

At some point while you’re out and about with your child, you’ll probably get hungry. You may even decide to go out specifically to eat. In the States, going to a restaurant with your child really isn’t that big of a

deal—almost every restaurant has high chairs and booster seats, even if they aren’t particularly child-oriented restaurants. Overseas, that is not always the case. Eating out often means eating with a child in your lap, and that can be both uncomfortable and embarrassing at times. I’m pretty sure one restaurant owner in Egypt purchased a high chair because of the time when Alexa, while seated in my lap, yanked on the table cloth, causing my water glass to tip over, hit an ashtray, and shatter. So what’s a parent to do when you’re eating out in a country where restaurants often don’t provide high chairs? Bring your own. Don’t worry; I’m not insane enough to suggest that you bring the high chair from your own kitchen or dining room—it’s almost certainly too difficult to transport. Instead, bring a booster seatthat is designed to be strapped securely to most chairs. (I don’t recommend the ones that attach to the table; those make me nervous.) Some even fold up and zip into their own travel cases. For the sake of complete disclosure, let me admit now that I don’t actually own one of these … yet. We currently are borrowing one that doesn’t have its own travel case; we’re using it at home until our shipment arrives with our high chair. I’d never even seen a travel one until we were out at lunch a couple of days ago, and one of our companions whipped one out for her son. I decided then and there that we’ll be ordering one as soon as we get the internet set up at our house—it’ll probably be on its way before this post is even published.

Finally, every child needs a safe place to sleep, and every parent needs a safe place to deposit a child so

Mom or Dad can go to the bathroom, wash the dishes, or switch out the laundry. In the States, this function is fulfilled by a crib, playpen, or pack-and-play. Those options also work well when you live overseas, but

what about when you’re vacationing, or you’ve just moved but your shipment hasn’t arrived yet? Pack-and-plays are designed for travel, so you would think that they would work well, but in my experience, they’re often heavy or bulky, even when folded for travel. That doesn’t work well when you’re flying! Our solution is the Baby Bjorn travel crib. It’s very lightweight, yet stable enough that it won’t tip over easily. It folds into its own zippered case and can be a carry-on item on many airlines, although some say it’s too big for that. I’ve sent it on one overseas flight as a separate piece of checked baggage, and it emerged unscathed; if you don’t have the baggage allowance for that, it will fit into a large suitcase with a little room left over. It’s also incredibly easy to set up and take down. It doesn’t have as much space as many pack-and-plays, so it isn’t ideal for use as a primary playpen, but it’s perfect as a short-term crib and playpen.

That’s it. That’s my list of highly recommended items for traveling and/or living abroad with a little one. With the exception of the car seat, I haven’t listed the things that are recommended for all parents—there are enough of those lists out there. These few items are the extras that are particularly relevant to expatriates. What do you think; did I miss something? If so, tell me in the comments! I’m sure my friend, and other heading-toward-parenthood expats, will be grateful.

Here in Cambodia, it is very important to keep a clean house, particularly a clean kitchen. I know, it’s important everywhere, but in my mind, it’s beyond important here. It’s essential. The reason? Bugs. Apparently big, nasty bugs are everywhere here, and they love to invade homes. As do tiny ants that can fit through the smallest hole in your “air- and bug-tight” containers. Apparently the only way to keep the little monsters away is to be hyper vigilant about crumbs and cleanliness, to go above and beyond when storing food in airtight containers, and to be prepared with a veritable army of bug-zapping, ant-trapping, roach-killing products.

Just to let you know, I despise bugs of all types and of all sizes. A spider will send me calling for Jeff to come kill it. Ants in the house will have me reaching immediately for the deadliest chemicals I can find. A roach will send me scurrying away, to return to the room only with immense trepidation after turning all the lights on and leaving them on for several seconds, preferably with Jeff in tow to destroy the ugly monster. Yes, I do realize how hysterical it must be that someone like me is living here.

I say all this so that you will understand the horror with which I realized, after dinner on our first night here, that I had neglected to request that our sponsor stock our new home with dish soap. How was I to banish every hint of food from the oh-so-sensitive nostrils of my enemy if I didn’t have the proper tools? There was only one thing to do. I rinsed the dishes thoroughly, scrubbed them with a wet washcloth to remove every visible sign of use, stacked them in the sink, and made plans to do whatever it took to buy dish soap the next day.

Accordingly, the next day, I took Alexa in my arms, put my six U. S. dollars in my pocket (we’d forgotten to bring more cash, and I have no idea where an ATM is in the neighborhood, so that was all I had until Jeff got home from the embassy), and walked down to the corner market. I perused the few aisles and their meager offerings. Milk, diapers, laundry detergent, beer, and ah, there! Dish soap. But that’s no good; that’s for use in a dishwasher, and our house doesn’t have a dishwasher. (Most houses here don’t.) Try again. Nope, no wash-by-hand dish soap. Time to ask for help.

I approached the Cambodian lady who had greeted me as I walked in the door. “Do you have any dish soap? Not for use with a machine, but to wash by hand?”

“Soap? To wash by hand? No machine?”

I nodded.

“Here. This by hand, this by hand, this by hand. This and this by machine.”

I looked in surprise at the items she indicated. I’d thought that all of the merchandise in that section was for washing clothes. Then I noticed a box of Cascade dishwasher detergent on the shelf above where she’d pointed. Reassured, I took her word for what was what. The bags of detergent (whoever heard of powdered wash-by-hand dish soap?) were on the bottom shelf and therefore difficult to see, labeled in Khmer script and therefore impossible to read, and Alexa was getting away from me trying to grab everything in sight, so I didn't have time to verify. I quickly picked up a bag that was marked $5.15 and headed to the cash register.

Once we arrived home, I gleefully headed to the kitchen to make use of my new purchase. I was hoping that I’d find some picture instructions—or better yet, English—on the packaging to let me know how much powder I was supposed to use for a sink full of water. As I examined the bag, I noticed that one of the pictures showed a bucket of sudsy water with a white shirt next to it. Hmm … maybe the dish soap was mixed with the laundry detergent because it was meant to be dual purpose? I examined the package more carefully. Not a picture of a dish anywhere. Then, I saw it, in tiny letters underneath the Khmer script: “Standard Detergent Formula for Hand Wash.” With a nice big picture of a shiny white shirt. This was not meant for dishes. Apparently the woman at the shop had not heard the word “dish” in my question.

But I’m adaptable. I needed to wash the dishes. They couldn’t wait any longer, not if I was to avoid the nasty little things that lay in wait. So I decided to give it a try. Yes, I washed my dishes in laundry detergent. Then I had a nice glass of water in one of my newly washed glasses just to make sure—and no, there was no hint of detergent taste.

Still, I left “dish soap” nice and large on the top of my shopping list for my trip to the supermarket the next day.

Written Saturday, 8 October 2011.

I miss the commissary.

Back in Egypt, one of the privileges that we “embassy people” had was access to the commissary. I admit that I allowed myself to become lazy because of the commissary. I rarely shopped for groceries on the local market. Not even fresh produce. Sure, I could get fresher produce from local vendors, but it was just so easyto buy everything at the commissary. I could get almost anything that I could get in the States, for prices that were similar to—in some cases, lower than—what I’d pay in the States. But even as I lazily shopped the easy way, I wondered … what would it be like to shop like the other expats, the ones without commissary privileges, the ones who go to multiple shops, pay high prices, make substitutions, and do without?

Now I’m learning.

And I miss the commissary.

Our sponsor took us to Lucky Supermarket today to stock up on groceries. She had done some shopping for us before we arrived, but I only requested enough food to get us through a few days. Yesterday I planned my weekly menu and made the grocery list off of it, then added on all the non-grocery items that I’d realized we needed (dish soap, anyone?). By the time I was done, it was a massive list. This afternoon, as my sponsor pulled up, I eyed her SUV and wondered, with the third row seating up, if all my planned purchases would fit.

I won’t go into lots of details about the experience. Frankly, I was so overwhelmed that I couldn’t go into a lot of details if I tried. The store was crowded, the shelves were packed, and I didn’t recognize half of the items. And I found only about 75% of the items on my list. Some of them probably were right in front of me as I stared uncomprehendingly at the squiggly lines (Khmer script, or in some cases maybe Japanese script) and tried to reason out from the pictures what exactly I was looking at. It took me a while to recognize the dish soap—it looked like toilet bowl cleaner. And the toilet bowl cleaner looked like … I’m not sure what, but not toilet bowl cleaner. And some of the prices really made me appreciate the COLA (cost of living adjustment—an increase in pay based on the cost of living, assuming the maintenance of a western lifestyle at post). I mean, really, two and a half dollars for a can of tuna?

We were in there for around 90 minutes. We spent over $200. By the time we left, I knew there were items on my list that I probably could find if I made one more lap around the store. But our tiny grocery cart was full to overflowing, and Alexa alternately was throwing things out of it and throwing things into it, my mind was overwhelmed, my feet were sore, and I was done.

I will get used to this. I will learn to go to the fish market for fresh fish, the vegetable market for fresh produce, and Lucky or one of the other supermarkets for western products. I will learn to adjust my recipes to do without items that are unavailable or that are prohibitively expensive. And I will thank God and the U.S. government for my consumables shipment and for my APO privileges (hello, Amazon.com, my trusty old friend!).

But for now, I just miss the commissary.